Let’s be honest, it’s a sh** show most days! Even if you have a routine date night you most likely don’t have as many opportunities to get the same quality alone time you once did before becoming parents. They have an idea of where they’d like to see their sex life or what they know their partner wants but they have a hard time putting the checklist aside, turning the TV off, bowing out on those few minutes of extra sleep, and actually doing it. Every element of your relationships requires active participation from both individuals and I honestly think that this is where a lot of people get hung up. Keep the dialog open and don’t be afraid to make the first move. Talking about sex is difficult for many of us, but actually following through is so much more of a challenge. Honor your commitments and hold each other accountable! Instead, get clear, make some commitments, but don’t set yourself up for failure with anything too rigid. This doesn’t mean you need to set a schedule, in fact, that’s not something I would personally recommend unless that truly feels fitting to your relationship. It’s important here to be realistic about how much time you have available to actually make it happen considering kids are part of the daily equation. The desired frequency of sex in a relationship is specific to each and every couple, and no one can make that decision for you. There’s no right or wrong answer here as long as you’re on the same page. Once you and your partner have shared where each of you are, chat about what a healthy sex life looks like for you as a couple. How is sex making you feel? What are you comfortable with and what are you uncomfortable with? Set realistic expectations. It’s a major life change and I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to jump back into our relationships like nothing happened. A lot of parents, especially mothers who give birth, experience some serious changes in sensation, desire, and confidence that can easily be misinterpreted as a lack of interest in their partners when really they’re just getting used to their new bodies and roles as parents.
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